Thinking versus Speaking
Can I really read people so well that I know true intention and meaning of their communications before they do? Is this really a possibility or am I really just full of shit/myself?
There is this woman, and for a while I believed she was the devil. In fact I thought most women were evil. I find that most men are evil as well. And not inherently, mind you. Why would I think this way? Well, there is this woman...
We had an intimate relationship for a few years. As time passed, I began to realize that she spoke in empty sentences. Every statement wasn't meant to convey any information intrinsic in the words used. Every statement was a hook and sinker with some stimulating bait. The words that came out of her mouth had very accurate purposes. And that was to get me to guess what she was feeling or thinking. If she felt neglected, she would discuss how she loves spending time with friends. And she would bring up how one friend has a new job and misses communicating with him/her. And she is particularly sad about this lack of human contact. And she states that now she has nobody to talk to. And she wishes that somebody would give her some attention. Prima facie she is discussing the loss of a friend due to scheduling conflicts. But any idiot can see that she is alluding to the possibility of not spending enough time with the person she would rather spend more time with, me.
Naturally I start to realize she is talking about me and that I'm not around enough. Of course the possibilities of me being crazy crosses my mind. Perhaps I was paranoid. Perhaps she was discussing how she felt with me. No. She was playing mind games with me. Mind games in the sense that she was trying to talk about something without actually talking about it. Unless, of course, I bring it up.
Being the stubborn bastard that I am, I refuse to play along. Instead I break down and call her out on her shit. I rip apart every sentence she sends my way. I tell her what she is really thinking. For every sentence she says, I have 20 in return. Just a quick analysis of what is actually being said, of what she is hiding from me, of what she is thinking. She denies everything of course.
So, one could deduce that there exist two possibilities. Either I am in the right or she is. Either I am correct regarding her conniving behavior, and she is hiding her true feelings and intentions, or...
Or I am crazy and imagining everything. Actually, she is being open and honest and is just speaking her mind to somebody she trusts implicitly. And I'm just being paranoid.
But in the end she admits. She says that I was right. That all she wanted was to tell me she wanted more attention from me. A reasonable request. So what am I to think? First, guilt hits me. Oh my god, I have intimidated this poor woman into agreeing with me, Big Brother interrogation tactics. But she assures me she just realized it. That it took me telling her what she thought. It made her realize that indeed I was right although she honestly didn't realize it at the beginning of this adventure.
Do I believe her? Or is this just another lure in order to salvage her own mental health, to resume grasp of her emotional self, and in turn regain control of this relationship. I trust her. Something about the way she said it. It felt honest. No unpleasant feeling in my gut. Was I caught? Did I fall for her trap, back into the maze of her self? Maybe I did. But she did a good job. I'll let her relish for now.
But what if my gut is correct, and it always is. She is telling the truth. It hits me, just as everything hits you, like you just felt your testicles descend. I was aware of what she was actually feeling before she did. This is absolutely remarkable. Can I really read people so well that I know true intention and meaning of their communications before they do? But this can explain my behavior since I was 12 years old. I hated school, because of the teachers and various other adults in positions of authority. I was convinced that most of them were full of shit/themselves. This lasted until my freshman year of college. But if I look at this sociopathic behavior under new light...
I see that I only liked the teachers that did not speak their mind. I bonded with and respected the teachers that were in control of their speech. The did not say what was on their mind. They processed everything first and only spoke when it was necessary to convey information to me. They did not think out loud in a sense. Many people nowadays think out loud, and consider it a legitimate form of communication. Their main defense? They are being honest. Yes they are, but it doesn't mean telling me everything on your mind. I only want the condensed version with annotations, footnotes and cross references. I found it foolish and inefficient to speak any other way. However being the child that I was, I resorted to anger and insubordination, when I spoke with those that think out loud. I felt that they were deceitful. I felt that they were trying to hide something from me. Their true intentions. And they were doing such a poor job of doing so. And it insulted me to think that they could get away with doing such a faulty job. The possibility that I was realizing their true meaning and intention before they did never crossed my mind. All the teachers that kept the mindless babble to themselves, were the ones I respected. They analyze their first impulse to say what is on their mind, and revise the idea they want to communicate, and the deliver it pre- packaged and labeled. Only in college did I realize that the teachers that were able to think and communicate in the way I described, were very very intelligent. And then I realized that those teachers that thought out loud were less so. I realized that I need to keep my mouth shut and let those who think out loud come to their own conclusions. I should never cross the boundary into their minds and even attempt to tell them what they are thinking, for you are always met with violent opposition. It is necessary to contemplate what I am about to say before I divulge their true meaning. In the end I am guilty of everything I am critical of. Speaking before thinking.
I am beginning to realize that while one becomes more and more intelligent, the urge to speak aloud lessens and lessens.
Afterword.
I apologize for what may seem as brash arrogance on my part. If in the end, it turns out that I am stupid, then I humbly ask you to forgive my intrusion.
There is this woman, and for a while I believed she was the devil. In fact I thought most women were evil. I find that most men are evil as well. And not inherently, mind you. Why would I think this way? Well, there is this woman...
We had an intimate relationship for a few years. As time passed, I began to realize that she spoke in empty sentences. Every statement wasn't meant to convey any information intrinsic in the words used. Every statement was a hook and sinker with some stimulating bait. The words that came out of her mouth had very accurate purposes. And that was to get me to guess what she was feeling or thinking. If she felt neglected, she would discuss how she loves spending time with friends. And she would bring up how one friend has a new job and misses communicating with him/her. And she is particularly sad about this lack of human contact. And she states that now she has nobody to talk to. And she wishes that somebody would give her some attention. Prima facie she is discussing the loss of a friend due to scheduling conflicts. But any idiot can see that she is alluding to the possibility of not spending enough time with the person she would rather spend more time with, me.
Naturally I start to realize she is talking about me and that I'm not around enough. Of course the possibilities of me being crazy crosses my mind. Perhaps I was paranoid. Perhaps she was discussing how she felt with me. No. She was playing mind games with me. Mind games in the sense that she was trying to talk about something without actually talking about it. Unless, of course, I bring it up.
Being the stubborn bastard that I am, I refuse to play along. Instead I break down and call her out on her shit. I rip apart every sentence she sends my way. I tell her what she is really thinking. For every sentence she says, I have 20 in return. Just a quick analysis of what is actually being said, of what she is hiding from me, of what she is thinking. She denies everything of course.
So, one could deduce that there exist two possibilities. Either I am in the right or she is. Either I am correct regarding her conniving behavior, and she is hiding her true feelings and intentions, or...
Or I am crazy and imagining everything. Actually, she is being open and honest and is just speaking her mind to somebody she trusts implicitly. And I'm just being paranoid.
But in the end she admits. She says that I was right. That all she wanted was to tell me she wanted more attention from me. A reasonable request. So what am I to think? First, guilt hits me. Oh my god, I have intimidated this poor woman into agreeing with me, Big Brother interrogation tactics. But she assures me she just realized it. That it took me telling her what she thought. It made her realize that indeed I was right although she honestly didn't realize it at the beginning of this adventure.
Do I believe her? Or is this just another lure in order to salvage her own mental health, to resume grasp of her emotional self, and in turn regain control of this relationship. I trust her. Something about the way she said it. It felt honest. No unpleasant feeling in my gut. Was I caught? Did I fall for her trap, back into the maze of her self? Maybe I did. But she did a good job. I'll let her relish for now.
But what if my gut is correct, and it always is. She is telling the truth. It hits me, just as everything hits you, like you just felt your testicles descend. I was aware of what she was actually feeling before she did. This is absolutely remarkable. Can I really read people so well that I know true intention and meaning of their communications before they do? But this can explain my behavior since I was 12 years old. I hated school, because of the teachers and various other adults in positions of authority. I was convinced that most of them were full of shit/themselves. This lasted until my freshman year of college. But if I look at this sociopathic behavior under new light...
I see that I only liked the teachers that did not speak their mind. I bonded with and respected the teachers that were in control of their speech. The did not say what was on their mind. They processed everything first and only spoke when it was necessary to convey information to me. They did not think out loud in a sense. Many people nowadays think out loud, and consider it a legitimate form of communication. Their main defense? They are being honest. Yes they are, but it doesn't mean telling me everything on your mind. I only want the condensed version with annotations, footnotes and cross references. I found it foolish and inefficient to speak any other way. However being the child that I was, I resorted to anger and insubordination, when I spoke with those that think out loud. I felt that they were deceitful. I felt that they were trying to hide something from me. Their true intentions. And they were doing such a poor job of doing so. And it insulted me to think that they could get away with doing such a faulty job. The possibility that I was realizing their true meaning and intention before they did never crossed my mind. All the teachers that kept the mindless babble to themselves, were the ones I respected. They analyze their first impulse to say what is on their mind, and revise the idea they want to communicate, and the deliver it pre- packaged and labeled. Only in college did I realize that the teachers that were able to think and communicate in the way I described, were very very intelligent. And then I realized that those teachers that thought out loud were less so. I realized that I need to keep my mouth shut and let those who think out loud come to their own conclusions. I should never cross the boundary into their minds and even attempt to tell them what they are thinking, for you are always met with violent opposition. It is necessary to contemplate what I am about to say before I divulge their true meaning. In the end I am guilty of everything I am critical of. Speaking before thinking.
I am beginning to realize that while one becomes more and more intelligent, the urge to speak aloud lessens and lessens.
Afterword.
I apologize for what may seem as brash arrogance on my part. If in the end, it turns out that I am stupid, then I humbly ask you to forgive my intrusion.
posted by nick at 12:40 AM
6 comments
